Wednesday, 13 September 2017

An Ode to my dear friend, anxiety; A personal what is going on in my life post

Well friends, looks like I spent too much time "faking being well" because the stress and anxiety finally got the better of me. I am on sick leave. I feel like shit.

There is so much personal issues going on in my life that I am finding it hard to juggle a full time job, a child in school (and who was having difficulties with it) and everything else. Rest assured, my husband, child and pets are all well and things are going well for them.

For me, it all started with the occasional panic attack. I thought I was able to handle it. Last week, I was so frustrated I wanted to drive my car into a wall (but didn't) and I still thought I will be ok. I just needed to get certain things sorted first. I am not sleeping. I am waking up in the wee hours, feeling choked and having one panic attack after an other. I am getting migraines all the time.

I finally threw in the towel and went to my Doctor's yesterday. I had a panic attack and then broke down in her office.

Now, I am home and I forcing myself out of bed. I am forcing myself to tie up loose ends at my work, I am forcing myself to tidy my home because I won't let this beat me down. I just didn't shower or wash my hair or anything today but fuck it. I got out of bed and dealt with my job. I did SOMETHING today so I don't feel like a complete loser.

I am resting and as much as I feel like a failure right now, I am trying to remind myself of all the things I did accomplish in such a short period of time. Especially this week where I had to make some really hard decisions.

I will still be posting to this blog because I am not going to give up on the things I enjoy doing but I will be regurgitating a lot of old posts from my old blog for a while. I will edit them. I am too stubborn to let this anxiety completely consume me. I am hoping that I can eventually find humour in this situation to laugh about it.

If anyone out there who does suffer from anxiety. Hold tight, it just means you have been strong for too long. You got this!


  1. sorry to hear that. best wishes. We all need a break sometimes

  2. You *do* have this! As long as you take care of you and remember to put one foot in front of the other and BREATHE, you will get through this because you are a strong, remarkable woman.

    (*super big hug from a fellow anxiety sufferer*)

    1. Awww thanks. I am trying to take care of me and put one foot in front of the other. It's not easy but I am doing it.

  3. *breaks you off a piece of that kit-kat bar*

  4. None of your friends, family or anyone else who loves you thinks you are a loser -- on the contrary, you are battling hard against anxiety and being a responsible adult! Best bat wishes to you, Syl, and may the world look brighter to you soon.

  5. Definitely relate to what you said about having anxiety means that you have had to be strong for too long. It gets so exhausting sometimes. Don't ever feel guilty for taking time for yourself!
    I think you are brave and I appreciate people who are willing to be open and real online; so many are fake for the sake of internet popularity.
    One day at a time, you will get through this. And if you need to vent, we are here for you!!

  6. And here I was wondering how you you managed to handle everything so well and keep all the bad stuff either in the past or under control. I guess it never really goes away. Sorry to hear about this, stay strong.

  7. Feel better soon! I too suffer from panic attacks and anxiety so I know how hard it can be just to get out of bed <3

  8. I'm so sorry to hear this! You take care of yourself and focus on your health and your son.
    One trick I sometimes use is that I make a to-do list with three items for the day. No more, no less. It makes me do something useful everyday, and also keeps me from feeling overwhelmed. And somedays the list looks like: Put on clean clothes, make lunch, go to bed early.



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