Friday, 8 September 2017

What happened after I rediscovered Goth - the chronicles of a thirty something year old baby bat

 When I originally published this post on my old Little Corp Goth Girl blog, I only came back to Goth a year or two prior. I considered myself a "baby bat" at that time because when I was originally Goth in the 90's as a teenager, in my area, we didn't really have that term. When I came back to the subculture in my mid thirties, and discovered such a term existed, I was enthralled (I do realize some people don't share this sentiment). I thought it was cute and I was also little sad. Am I too old to be called a baby bat? Yes, in my enthusiasm, I wanted to be called one! I realized the subculture changed a little from what I remembered and in a way, I was rediscovering many things for the first time. For instance, back in my day, Cyber Goth, didn't have those wires/dread thingies in their hair, I think it was just beginning at that time. I remember thinking how cool they all looked! Back in my day (fuck, I sound old) Cyber was just starting to emerge. In fact, in Montreal, people referred to them as Gravers (Gothic ravers) and I thought that was really cool! In addition, a little off topic, what I have noticed about Montreal is how inclusive we really are. No one really cares whether or not someone is a Cyber/Rivet head/ or insert subset of Goth here. You are one of us and if you are really cool, we will accept you. I don't venture out as much as I would like (kid, health problems, "adulting" bullshit) but when I do, while I am sure there are assholes out there, they seem to be very few and far between. If any locals reading this, if you want to chime in and help out this recluse, please do so!

I had a very good knowledge on the subculture when I came back. I didn't properly express this in my original post, back in my old blog. For some reason, much to my surprise, this very post got really popular. Many people often asked if I was new to goth, being in my thirties and what it was like. I would like to make this clear . I was goth as a kid. I wasn't experiencing the subculture for the first time! The Goth virginity ship sailed a long time ago! I was Goth for many years but unfortunately, the pressures of conforming got to me. I got engaged, wanted kids, it was during the recession, I was looking for work, and well, I just stopped wearing black and paying attention to what was happening in the subculture. It was the most depressing time of my life. So, this is what happened to me when I came back to Goth and some of the push back I received:

I have to say, 90% of the people who knew me were not surprised. Most probably didn't even care. Some made a joke that I grew out of my "normal" phase and glad to see I was no longer depressed. It was no big deal.

Then there were the others. The Tribbles (re: normies) as I like to call them who had nothing but negative things to say. Not only did these people stab me in the back but I was also stabbed in the front. Be forewarned. It may not happen to you but it always seems someone has something to say!

These people greeted me with open arms when they saw photos of me on social media with blonde hair, bright blue shirts and how I looked like everyone else. They accepted me. It felt good to get approval because in the past, they made it very clear that they didn't approve of my goth phase.

"You look so normal now", "look at that blonde hair, let's hang out", "no offense, I didn't really want to hang out with you when you were goth. I was embarrassed to be seen with you" Normalcy=immediate acceptance despite the fact I still had my odd, quirky personality.

When I ditched the whole "normal" charade, the Tribbles once again said all sorts of things, they even tried to give me advice and even implied that I was being selfish because I am a mom now. I should dress the part!  Did you know that being a mom entailed a uniform? Behind my back and even to my face, it was said that I was doing it to attract male attention. We all know that stereotype! Some of them said that  I am a mother now and I shouldn't be viewed as a sex symbol because you know, to these people, Goth means just that. Being a mom meant wearing an apron and baking cookies and shit. Oh yeah, and speaking about being a woman, I was asked very personal questions whether or not I was going to have a second one when my son turned two years old. Some of them knew full well the difficulties I had with conceiving and child birth.  Sorry, I am not a tribble, I don't procreate like one either! Ha! No, that was not why I called them that. In Star Trek, Tribbles all look a like and they multiply like crazy. I originally called them Tribbles because of them looking a like, the procreation part came later!

It seems like my body and what I decided to do with it was coming at me from all angles.The funny thing is, when I was "normal" you don't know how many whistles I received from strange men. You don't know how many unwanted advances I got from from people. You would think it was the other way around since stereotypically speaking, goths are supposedly easy, I must be having affairs every night! Jeez, I wonder where I would find time for that with a small child to take care of but anyways. That one amused me the most.

The all time best, it was greatly implied that I was a bad mother because I started dressing goth again. Oh noes! Can you believe it? How dare I raise my child to have an open mind? Shame on me! Damn me to hell!

Another classic "what would your husband say?" Like my husband would be daft enough to tell me what to do with my body! He knew me in High School. He met me as a goth. We started dating when I was still goth. While he was supportive, he was kind of sad that I ditched the clothing. Not because of anyway he viewed me, because he knew that the clothing represented who I am. He was happy and is usually more than willing to overlook my spending towards new clothing items today and every other damned day!

Some people just stopped talking to me altogether. They never seen me as a little Gothling, only as the normal Barbie doll incarnation so they were shocked. One person said "we have nothing in common anymore" although I pointed out that nothing really changed except for my clothes.

I was accused of having some midlife crisis. I couldn't handle being a new mom. I was depressed. I didn't know being in my early thirties was considered mid-life? Is it?

My all time favourite "I really like you. I really want to be your friend but I just wish you could dress normal like everyone else" That one cracked me up. I never knew friendship meant having a dress code.

Some people just unfriended me from Facebook. I blinked and they were gone!

The thing is, none of that bothered me. Being unfriended on Facebook really was like the trash was taking itself out for me! It was wonderful! The people who mattered, didn't make a big deal about it. The nicest thing someone told me once is that I make a cool mom. It helped me find out who my real friends were.

So if you are thinking of dusting off your old pair of Doc Martens and cutting your hair into a death hawk after all these years, why not? What do you have to lose? Nothing. In fact, you gain new friends, you keep the good ones and you can re-experience the whole subculture once again.This time as an adult! I know this maybe biased but come on... you know you want to!Besides, in my opinion, isn't part of being Goth a way of saying "fuck you" to the mainstream? Well, it is to for me, at any rate.


  1. I just need to say that you are so smart. I read everyone of your posts, I should comment more and I will try to do that. I just wanted to let you know that you are such a amazing woman, I really hope to be half as cool mom as you when I have kids in the future :D

    1. Thank you, very, very much. That is very sweet. I am sure you will be a cool mom when you do have children in the future!

  2. Someone else left a really kind comment. I was going to publish it but accidentally hit "delete" I was using my phone and my big finger got in the way! I apologize.

  3. This is such an inspiring post <3
    I'm 37 and have come back to goth. My "normal" years started when I was 32 and suddenly single. People kept saying "well, don't you think it's time that you start dressing like a normal grown up?"ugh...worst decision ever!!

  4. I hate when people get weird about clothing choices. It doesn't matter what you wear, if you take care of your child then you are a good mother!



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...